An Invitation to Angels

As part of our effort to be kinder in tone and in words, Roland asked to be cheered during the final week by having a banner made that reads, "Let's Invite Our Angels to Stay."  We feel like they are here when we are being kind to each other and they leave when we raise our voices or think of ourselves before others. Yesterday he finished the puzzle at the cancer center and so today he framed up the new one. He has mostly remained in bed with pain in his chest and clouds in his head due to the medicine for nausea, anxiety and pain. This has made it easier to be kind since he has had almost zero interaction.  :)  It is spring break, so all the children are home.   He ate a little before noon, but only because he is using the numbing mouthwash and then he has a painful recovery while digesting.   If you haven't given thanks for your healthy esophagus lately, now would be an excellent time for that.  He is supposed to teach tomorrow and wouldn't that be great. 

Dark Days

Oh how I hope this is the worst of it.  He has become quite down and there seems to be little I can do to bring back his winning smile.  He has asked for prayers specifically for help with being kinder with the children.  He has had a shorter fuse than we all are accustomed to and he has a strong desire for that to change.  He has made a goal of it.  His appetite is almost gone.  (Popcicles and crackers and water are all he will eat right now). He is on the strongest anti-nausea medicine we have.  He feels warm to the touch, but he says he feels cold and yet he doesn't have a temperature.  I don't want to leave him alone.  It is difficult to see him like this.  He received a blessing last night for which we are both grateful.  Truly we are surrounded by angels both seen and unseen.  We were not meant to hike alone this rugged terrain.  The view will be worth the toil.  We are becoming stronger.   I wouldn't trade this adventure for anyone else's.  This one is custom designed for our betterment.  "Trust, no matter what."

Nausealand

The after and cumulative effects of his treatment plan are mounting.  Every day it is becoming more difficult to be cheerful.  He has been teaching, so he comes home exhausted. Today he taught for an hour, came home and rested for 30 minutes and then returned to teach for another hour and then took his dinner in his room. The nausea is more constant and pronounced.  The acid reflux symptoms are bothersome.  Roland is very polite, but lately he hasn't been able to control his burping.  It has become painful to swallow and he hiccoughs often.  He has some "Magic Mouthwash" to help with esophagus pain, but he is not a fan of the numbing properties.  He gets dizzy spells and doesn't really want to do anything.  This is normal.  

How am I doing? Well, I feel like I am waiting for him to return to normal and then I realize this may never happen.  I miss doing fun, active things we used to do together. I don't dwell on those thoughts.  I am a little less fun generally and shorter on patience with my children.  Life feels more serious most of the time.  I am tired emotionally which transfers to physical fatigue.  However, I am grateful for all the help we have received.  I try to do something creative for fun everyday for me and something to amuse him; Today I set blueberries into a smiley face on his cream of wheat.  I am amazed by my children and how well they are coping.  I feel loved and not alone.  I know there is a reason for this even though I don't know what it is.  I know I need to not let this stop me from improving on talents I have and strengthening weaknesses.  I really do not like giving Lovenox injections morning and night even though he thanks me after every poke, but I recently learned that it is much better than Coumadin for two reasons: He doesn't have to eliminate vitamin K foods nor have his coagulant levels tested by blood draws at the hospital every two or three days.  (On a personal note, we refer to kissing as "vitamin K", so we really don't want to eliminate that!)  

What can others do for him?  Prayers are encouraged and greatly appreciated.   He perks up for the moment when we have visitors, so if you are thinking about visiting, but you don't know if he would be up for it, he says he would like it.  Phone calls would be a welcomed distraction too.  I am on the lookout for a card table that is just hanging around in someone's storage collecting dust (not one that is needed often) to borrow to set up a puzzle for him to work on.  He likes the puzzle at the cancer center waiting room because it temporarily distracts from the nauseous feeling.

Someone whose week it is to cheer him, gave him this today:

This is one picture, but I have posted it upside down for your convenience.

Final Day of Chemo?

Yesterday the radiation machine was down for repair during his appointment, so he quickly found someone to cover the classes he was going to teach in the afternoon.  He felt really grumpy and though he loved the Thai green curry soup and sweet and sour he requested, it didn't lift his dark cloud especially after our kids left and then last night he didn't sleep well.  Today is a long day of Chemo and could possibly be the last of it.  We will find out in 3 weeks. Just 8 more days of radiation.

 Jay gave him this t-shirt which he was happy to wear to the clinic to amuse the nurses.

He loves the hat my mom knitted for him.  It is soft on his tender head. He and I are so grateful for the many scout leaders who helped both Reece and Jay to complete their requirements last week to earn their Eagle Scout ranks in boy scouting.  Roland says he will be at the ceremony--he will wear a mask or whatever it takes.  He is so proud of them.

One More Day

These are a couple of partial tunes Roland sings about his situation.

To the tune of "One More Day" from Les Miserables:
"One more day of Chemo-therapy... We will nip it in the bud."

To the tune of "Alouette"
"Ra-di-a-tion, this is radiation. Radiation the game is really fun."

It has been a fun-filled weekend beginning with a visit from his dad and Donna.  They brought games and stories and a Soda Stream to make carbonated water for Roland and flavored soda for the kids.  Dad took him to the hospital Saturday morning for radiation and Chemo.  The IV worked.  Whew!  Then Saturday night Austin, Tikla and Tori came for a visit, so that has also been wonderful.  He has rekindled a love for the game of Rook.  He was able to play Scrabble with his Dad.  They both love that game.

So, how is he doing?  Well, surprisingly well.  He does have his bad days and even hours of the day when he just wants to be in bed in a semi comfortable position, but overall, he is doing well.  he has been eating well and gaining back the weight he lost.  He is going to substitute at work this week.  He only has one more day of Chemo (like the song above) and radiation until the end of the month.  We don't know if this is the end yet, but it could be.  :)

He hasn't been shaving his head nor his beard.  At first it was a little joke. (I am not a fan of facial hair)  He said he thinks he looks like a "tiger." Maybe he has read a little too much Calvin and Hobbes?  The unusual thing is that what is growing in is mostly white whisker hair and very fine and sparse white hair on his head.  He is turning into a dandelion puff.

Forecast is Sunny

The peripheral IV wasn"t working today, so the nurse had to find a new vein.  Roland really doesn't like this.  I asked about getting a PICC line like Kaitlyn had, but Roland's treatment time is so short that she couldn't justify it.  I guess we can be thankful for that.   In fact the oncologist is leaning against going two more rounds.  She is looking into the research and observing how well he is handling the Chemo so far.  She is amazed with how healthy he looks and that his side effects are so few.  She did caution us that sometimes the effects will kick in after treatment is complete. 

And Thus Begins Round Two

It was a long day at the Cancer Center.  The radiation doctor was impressed with how good his lungs sounded and his general demeanor.  He said he could expect that the little cough he has developed would get worse.  He coughs especially when he laughs a lot, so we have to make sure not to expose him to too much humor.   :)   

He got the only private room in the clinic again because no one else needed it.  In fact he was the only patient in the whole place!  It was hard to find a good vein.  The nurse explained that his body protects itself from getting Chemo by blocking the previously used veins.  Unfortunately, this was explained to us after she tried a vein that "wouldn't take."  Ouch.  She found a better one in his left arm. 

We meet with the oncologist tomorrow.  The nurse indicated that the doctor has been talking about how he might need to go another round.  I can hope he won't need to, but it is good to have some time to brace myself.

I got some lunch from the hospital cafeteria when he ordered his lunch so we could have a little date, but he was kind of out of it, so he said he really couldn't classify it as a date.  He enjoyed channel surfing when he could stay awake.  He told the nurse that he was thankful for Chemo.  She said, "You might need an appointment with a therapist!"  ;-)

He is home resting and not complaining much and not coughing.  I think it went well.