Much Improved

I feel like I am getting my husband back.  Yay!  He took care of the van when it wouldn't start and danced with me in the kitchen.  He eats what we eat now without pre-numbing his esophagus, though small portions and each bite with a water chaser. His chest is still annoyingly painful, but not as severe.  Friday is the 3-week mark and it seems we heading for normal.  He wears a compression stocking for the blood clots just on the lower left leg which helps when he has to walk around campus at work. He is usually cold which is common with patients who have had Chemo.  It probably doesn't help that it snowed two days in a row; it is melting fast.   He is considering adding more part-time work hours as they become available.  He smiles more and even cheered me up when I was having a Mom-role intense day by listening, validating and brainstorming ideas with me.  I feel so grateful for these good days; this is my kind of adventure.

Trust and Love

An opportunity to chaperone for State Drama came and Roland encouraged me to go with our boys.  This meant someone else would have to give the injections.  He thought he could do it.  It was a nice change of pace for me and a good check to see how well I am "backing off."  I didn't sleep enough on the two day trip and when we got back, it was obvious he hadn't either. His leg looked swollen.  He had done a lot of great things for the family. The house looked tidy.  The campaign posters were ready to hang.   He took care of the lawn and a gutter repair.  Fortunately, he had a pizza certificate that he used to feed the family.  Alex helped with the injections.  I think I could have been helpful in lightening his load if I had stayed home, but he seemed pleased with his contributions.  I feel like he is doing too much, but I need to trust that he will rest when he needs to.  He shows his love through acts of service; He is so good to me.

Today I have been able to rest/recover.  He seems alert and clear-minded.  We have talked about the decision of whether to go two more rounds or be done.  He reasons that if the cancer is not obliterated, he would always wonder if the two more rounds would have helped, so he is leaning toward going for it. 

A good friend of his was obviously inspired when he sent a box of things that Roland loved.  It arrived when I was away and made him feel so cared about and personally understood.  Not many people really understand Roland. 

Being a Great Dad

Today we took a trip to St. George, but it had nothing to do with Roland's treatment.  We got our youngest fitted with a back brace to keep her scoliosis from curving more.  I knew it would be emotional and having both parents for comfort was helpful.  I am so grateful that Roland could be there.

Seeking Direction

We found out that Roland does not have Factor V (five) Leiden thrombophilia which is an inherited blood clotting disorder, so the blood clots from December are so far solely attributable to the cancer.

His doctor spent a lot of time with us today.  He is to stay on Lovenox for 6 more months at least.  She is happy he has only lost about 10 pounds, but thought he seemed a little dehydrated.  She would like to have a CT scan the end of the month even though the therapies will continue to be effective after that time.  She wants to make sure what has been done is working.  She also would like to do two more rounds of Chemotherapy to be thorough,  BUT if Roland feels like he has had enough, she will respect that.  We are going to let our minds be open to the direction that we should take.  So many times, we have felt a guiding direction in matters much less weighty than this, so we trust we will  know what will be best by May 1st.

After the appointment, I dropped him off for a brief meeting at work and he wanted to walk home the distance of 2 miles, up hill.  It is a sunny and cool day.  I am impressed by his desire to undertake this and I hope it is not too much.  He hasn't done much exercise at all for 4 months, so I thought maybe easing into it would be wiser, however I am not going to second guess his abilities.  Before the adventure, he would routinely ride his bike up the hill. This decision is encouraging; he must be feeling a little better. I have noticed other indicators of improved disposition like the little romantic, gentlemanly courtesies that he has been doing for me lately.

Our Night Out

Though we are trying not to count the days since his last radiation treatment, the improvements promised in 2-3 weeks seem painfully slow. Roland is trying to eat things without blending them. The mouthwash he never thought he would use has become his very special friend which he brings where ever he goes.  Before this adventure I would say Roland was leaning toward the fast side on the eating tempo continuum, but now he has slowed considerably.  He still gets out of breath easily and feels dizzy when he first stands.

Because it snowed half the day, we bundled up tonight before going out to see the CHS production of The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, Abridged.  We have good friends in the show and two of our boys are techies.  Roland wore a hospital mask since he is supposed to avoid crowds.  (It accidentally doubled as a disguise).  He loved the show and has been wanting for a long time to take me on a real date.  I guess he doesn't count our hospital dates or all the wonderful days we have spent together.  I know this outing and teaching made for a long day for him, so it meant a lot to me.

It is amazing to me how involved in family life he has been able to be.  For example he has been brainstorming with Reece about his campaign poster designs. (Reece is vying for Student Body Pres.) What a great blessing it has been to not be alone in parenting.

He finished the Oregon puzzle and has halfway completed this one of Mount Rainer, WA 

A Quick Blood Draw Check

How can it be that Roland's regular doctor lives just a few blocks from us?  He is happy to receive our calls.  It feels like something out of "Little House on the Prairie."  Last night Roland began to wonder if perhaps he was having an ulcer which would be problematic since he is on blood thinners.   His doctor told him to get a certain over the counter medicine and to pick up lab orders at his house this morning. We stopped by his house and he came out to the car with a finger pulse oximeter to check on him.   We were able to get the labs done today and the doctor gave us the results in the afternoon over the phone.  We feel like VIPs.  The results? Everything is normal for someone who has undergone this adventure.  Whew!

Now What?

Our blender motor stopped working, but it was under warranty, so the company said they would send a new one.  This is important because we blend everything Roland eats. 

He wore his Indiana Jones Adventure Hat to work.  :-)  He is liking teaching his one hour per day class for now and has applied and would really like to get the full time SUU teaching position that begins in July.

He has been leading our family and overseeing the care of the fruit trees and lawn.  He rests a lot and has constant pain in the middle of his chest.  Now that he is becoming less reliant on me, I need to redefine my role and make adjustments.  I have become accustomed to being his caretaker, so now I need to force myself to back off and do the things I did before this adventure.  We are still adventuring, but I am figuring out how I fit into it.  I have a strong feeling that I need to be braced for whatever may come next (the other shoe to fall), but that is exhausting and probably unnecessary.  Trying to get my thoughts to go in the direction of dealing with the future as it presents itself is a daily effort.  Yesterday I had a lot of deep emotion and out of touch expectations.  Today is much better and not only because the blender motor arrived.