It feels Like We Are Stuck in a Swamp

Roland and Alex were talking about tennis tonight. Roland was asking about the latest racket brands and told Alex he used to play tennis every day at the American Club in Indonesia. Alex, looking for a practice partner offered, "Maybe we can play together sometime." Roland paused and then said, "Yeah, as soon as I get over this lung cancer..." We all laughed together.

Earlier tonight I was feeling frustrated because it feels like way too long that we have waited to get the further testing and come up with a plan to get rid of the cancer. He says his legs feel better than ever, but he can feel "something" where the cancer was found when he turns his back in a certain way. I don't like hearing that because it makes me think it is growing.

I was talking about doing something extreme just to see some progress, e.g. move to Salt Lake City or change doctors. Then Roland told me about a scene in the Lincoln movie. Thaddeus Stevens was trying to push for abolishing slavery with dichotomous thinking and Lincoln told him that it was like he was holding a compass pointing to the North and wanting to march North even if the terrain ahead included swamps. I needed to hear that because maybe changing doctors or moving would slow the process even more. I think I just want to do something that feels like it is helping the process move forward. I am hopeful that tomorrow there will be some directions for getting around the swamp. We should have an appointment for a PET scan next week.

It was great to see the Everetts and Skylar and Tori tonight. That was a big pick-us-up.